Rewrite
by scarylolita
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima finally did it. He finally killed Izaya Orihara. Unfortunately, he was also killed in the process and is now being forced to journey to the past with the person he hates most. Shizaya.
1. Prologue

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**This is only the prologue. The rest of the chapters will be longer & told in Shizuo's POV. There will be ten, they're already written except the last two, which are partially written. Anyway! Hopefully you will all enjoy, r&r~ **

* * *

The first day they met, they tried to kill each other.

The last day they met, they finally did.

The two enemies were buried next to each other. Many people would be forced to agree that it was disturbingly hilarious and ironic. They hated each other, they fought each other, they killed each other, and now they would be forced to spend eternity resting side by side.

Now… they'll never get away from the one thing they hate most.

Shinra and Celty personally thought it was a very fitting and well-deserved punishment for the both of them.

Poetic justice. The finest kind.

"I wish they could have found peace," Shinra says as he stares down at their headstones.

"_Maybe, wherever they are now, they are at peace," _Celty types into her cellphone.

"I wish they could have found it here instead."

Ikebukuro had not been prepared for the inevitable end to the game of cat and mouse. Everyone in the city was more than familiar with the names Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara. Everyone in the city was also more than familiar with their ongoing fights and the damage that came along with them. It was always assumed that these fights would be something eternal… but they weren't. The game ended.

Shizuo Heiwajima, once known as the strongest man in Ikebukuro. If you knew of him, you also knew not to make him angry. He had always been explosive and volatile, though when it came to Izaya Orihara he could not control himself. Simply hearing the name set him off.

"Kill, kill, kill, kill," Shizuo chanted his mantra in a raspy voice as he ran after Izaya. His eyes were filled with murderous intent.

He was getting tired of the game of cat and mouse.

He was finally going to end it.

He silently vowed that by the time the sun went down, there would be a corpse. No matter what, he would end it.

The fight had been going on all day and the city had to pay the price. There wasn't a vending machine intact, shop windows had been broken, trees were uprooted, signs were torn down, and doors were ripped off their hinges.

The citizens of Ikebukuro were locked away, no one insane enough to venture outside and get involved in such a dangerous game.

Izaya was panting as he looked left and right for any possibility of escape, but there was none. He cornered himself into a dead end.

"Izaya-kuuun…" Shizuo growled as he slowly stalked towards the cornered informant, cracking his knuckles.

"Wait…" Izaya whispered, swallowing thickly, but Shizuo didn't. He just quickened his steps until Izaya was pressed against the rough brick wall.

If you were to ask Izaya, in all seriousness, what he feared, he would have told you that he wasn't scared of anything at all. Of course, this would be a lie. Everyone has fears and there were two things that Izaya feared desperately. Those things were death and not being in control. For him, the two went hand in hand. When he died, he wanted it to be at his own accord. As Shizuo approached him, he realized that control was something he had lost and death was a something he was being forced to face.

Izaya was scared. He could admit that to himself. He was backed into a corner, unable to escape. There was a man nearing him who had every intent to kill him. He shoved his hand on his pocket, fingering the handle of his flick blade before whipping it out and releasing the sharp end.

Shizuo was at a loss for words. He wasn't used to seeing Izaya frightened, it made him seem almost… human. But fuck that, he vowed he wasn't going to let Izaya get away from this no matter what. He had him. He couldn't back down now. He was going to end the damned game of cat and mouse. So Shizuo ignored the sharp and sudden pain in his chest and wrapped his hand around his enemy's thin neck.

'Shizu-Chan truly is a monster…' Izaya thought to himself, removing the blade from the blond man's chest and letting it fall onto the ground. 'He hasn't even noticed I stabbed him.'

Izaya put a hand on the wound he inflicted in Shizuo's chest seconds earlier, feeling the sticky wet blood flood over his hands. He knew that any moment now, the monster would be dead, and he knew that any moment now, he would be, too.

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He felt numb, hardly aware of the hands that wrapped around his thin, pale neck until they started to squeeze. He tried to pry the fingers away from his throat with his own bloody fingers, but he was weak compared to Shizuo's monstrous strength and then…

_Snap._

Izaya fell unceremoniously onto the rough cement in a pathetic heap. Shizuo took a step back and admired his work. He had never seen the louse look so pathetic.

"Fuck," he coughed and gurgled, allowing blood to drip out of the corners of his mouth.

Shizuo leaned against the hard brick wall, pressing a palm to the wound on his chest. It wasn't helping. Blood soaked his uniform, slipping through his hands.

"But… I guess you got me too," he whispered the words almost inaudibly. "I'm not getting out of this one, am I?" he asked no one in particular.

His breaths were coming in heavier and heavier, until they didn't come in at all.

'_Maybe it's for the best,_' he thought, '_now I can't hurt anyone else._'

He collapsed onto the ground beside Izaya, and that is how they were found: dead, sprawled together, side-by-side almost like two lovers.


	2. Beauty and the beast

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**This is going to be mildly AU because I haven't read all the novels and the anime doesn't go into depth as much. So some little things will be different. And like I said, starting now it's all in Shizuo's POV apart from the epilogue. **

**Thanks for all the follows, favorites and nice reviews (: they definitely motivate me.**

* * *

I wake up in a bed I don't recognize. It isn't the bed I last slept in, and sure, this is the sort of thing that might happen to an ordinary person, or the sort of thing that might happen in a crappy drama, but it certainly isn't something that ever happens to me.

Why?

Because I'm the monster and this isn't a stupid romance. Shitty as it seems, Beauty doesn't really fall in love with the beast and live happily ever after. Things like that just don't happen in real life. That's why they make movies. In reality, Beauty just runs away from the beast…

The last thing I remember is feeling a sharp and sudden pain in my chest. When I looked down, I saw blood, and on the ground I saw that flick blade Izaya always carries around. On it, there was more blood. _My_ blood.

Before that, I remember killing him… wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing until he went limp.

He's so weak.

It surprised me.

I guess I never realized it because I've never been able to catch him. His speed is his greatest strength. His neck snapped like a twig. I hardly had to use any strength to kill him.

It was pathetic…

I let out a sigh as I get out of the bed, not taking the time to stretch my aching limbs before looking around the room.

Seriously, where the fuck am I?

There is a bed, the one I had just been sleeping in. It has a rich, maroon colored duvet with matching sheets and pillow cases. Next to the bed there is a nightstand with a lamp on it. The room is average, but quaint…

Ah.

It's my old bedroom at my parent's house.

But how?

Maybe I'm dead?

Or maybe not – maybe I was dreaming.

I look down at my chest and pull up my shirt. There is no blood, no fatal wound. I feel my eyebrows draw together in confusion and mild annoyance; there is only the scar from where Izaya cut me back in high school, though there is something different about the way it usually looks. It's fresh, as if it's still in the final process of healing.

I lightly poke at it, frowning.

What the fuck is going on?

"Oh, Shizuo, you're awake."

I whirl around and come face-to-face with my younger brother, who is hovering in the doorway. I notice that there is something off about him as well. He looks much younger.

"Kasuka?"

"Yes?" he tilts his head to the side. "Are you feeling okay, Shizuo?"

"Where are we?" I ask.

Kasuka lifts an eyebrow. "We're at home…" he says slowly.

"How?"

"Are you drunk?"

"No."

"Hung-over?"

"No!" I growl. I hate alcohol.

Though looking unconvinced, Kasuka shrugs it off, "How is the cut on your chest?"

"Huh?"

Kasuka points to his own chest, drawing a line down it for reference, "The one you got from fighting with Orihahra a while ago."

"Oh," I mumble, "It's… It's healing…"

How incredibly strange…

What the hell is going on?

"You better get dressed," Kasuka says, "Otherwise you'll be late for classes."

"Class," I repeat dumbly.

He gives me an airy look before walking away.

Am I being given a second chance?

If so, a second chance to do what?

Fuck it. I'll shake off that thought for now.

I close the door before I begin to change and come face-to-face with a long mirror hanging on the back of it. I feel myself frown as the reality of it all continues to set in.

Kasuka isn't the only one that looks younger. I look younger as well.

Tch.

I pull on my uniform while simultaneously wondering whether or not Izaya might've had something to do with what's going on.

"It probably was that damn flea," I mutter before leaving.

* * *

"Izaya," I growl as soon as I enter the school field, stomping towards him.

"Shizu-chan," he says from his spot on the bleachers, carelessly examining his nails as if the dirt beneath them is more important than what I have to say. To him, it probably is.

"What the hell did you do?" I ask, trying to refrain from punching him square in the face.

Izaya presses his hand to his chest in mock hurt, "Me? Shizu-chan, I did nothing at all. All this time I had been assuming it was you who had done this."

"It wasn't me!"

"Well, then, I don't know what you expect me to tell you. I had nothing to do with it," he pauses, smiling. "How's that little cut on your chest healing up?" he asks, leaning forward to reach for my shirt.

I push him away, growling, "Don't touch me, Flea!"

"Stupid protozoan," he retorts. "There's no need for yelling, I can hear you perfectly fine."

I feel my eyebrows twitch at the insult and before I can stop myself I am flying forward to land a punch in Izaya's unsuspecting, smug face.

Izaya lets out a surprised sound before falling backwards in between the bleachers.

Much better.

I turn around and let out a sigh of relief before walking to class.

Sometimes a person can grow so accustomed to something that their body has it memorized even better than their mind.

I think that our fights are like this.

* * *

"Hey, Shizuo!" I hear once I walk into the classroom.

I can't help but roll my eyes, immediately recognizing the familiar voice as Shinra. It also has me mildly curious. If it is true that I am being given a second chance, and if it is true that I did just die… I wonder how Shinra reacted. I wonder what Celty had to say. I wonder what Simon was thinking. They were all probably disappointed I lacked the self-control and that it had to end the way it did.

At the same time… Deep down everyone was probably pretty relieved it was finally over, even if it didn't end as happily as they might have hoped.

I guess I can't blame them for that.

I doubt there is any way Izaya and I will ever get along. It's just not possible. He's too annoying. Just seeing his face is enough to get me riled up and pissed off.

I take a seat next to Kadota and Shinra, who immediately starts chattering. I mindlessly listen, nodding every so often and adding in a "yeah" or "okay" here and there.

It all feels weird, but in a familiar and oddly good way.

Moments later Izaya walks into the classroom. He spares me a glance before turning his nose up and taking a seat near the window, at the opposite end of the room.

Well, good.

The farther away he is, the safer it will be for everyone in the room… So long as no one else pisses me off.

But then again, maybe I'll be able to control my anger this time around.

Maybe I'll be able to right a few wrongs, to fix a few of my mistakes, to keep myself from hurting the people I've hurt in the past.

* * *

After school I begin to walk home only to spot Izaya walking a few steps ahead. I purposely slow down to create more distance between us, but he turns around and smiles that stupid, facetiously cheerful smile.

"Shizu-chan!"

"Don't talk to me."

"Aw," he frowns, "Don't be mean, I'm just trying to be friendly."

"No, you're not," I deadpan. "You don't do friendly. You're just annoying."

Maybe this is what happens when people are stubborn – they have to go back and fix things. Maybe this will keep happening until I make things right? Shit, I don't know about the flea, but that sounds pretty fucking irritating to me. What is there to fix, anyway? And why the fuck is Izaya here, too?

Still, I feel pretty determined to get this right the second time since I couldn't do it the first.

I look down at my hands. "Look," I begin tersely, trying not to blow up, "we were given a second chance, a chance to fix whatever it is we did wrong in the past. This wasn't random, it had to be the work of –"

"Shizu-chan," he interrupts, "I swear if you say 'the work of God' or 'some higher being' I am going to choke you worse than you choked me."

I snort, "I'd like to see you try, Flea…"

Izaya doesn't reply. Instead, he dismissively states, "I don't believe in God."

"Why not?"

"There's no proof he or she exists."

"That's why people have faith."

He shrugs nonchalantly. "I'd rather not put my faith in things like that."

"Well what other reason is there for something like this?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure there is one. Only helpless and pathetic people put their faith in things that may not even exist."

I clench my fists and grind my teeth together.

Clearly he senses my anger, because he's smirking that stupid smirk he always wears. He leans forward and pinches my cheek before running away.

"IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I roar, before running after him.

* * *

After what feels like hours of chasing, a familiar voice puts a stop to everything.

"Shizuo, Izaya, fighting bad."

We both pause, turning around to see Simon Brezhnev standing tall in his work uniform with crossed arms.

Right…

I remember Simon always arrived during the middle of our fights and took us back to Russia Sushi, forcing us both to make up. However, as we grew older, Simon wasn't around to break up all of our fights. Fortunately for Izaya, he was usually too fast and agile for me and would usually get away without more than a scratch. Otherwise, he would have been in for worlds of hurt.

"Come, eat and be friends," he says, putting arms around the both of us and leading us into Russia Sushi.

Usually when Simon would force us to make up, it was terse and fake. Izaya would just smile that incredibly fake smile and say he never meant any harm. For the sake of Simon, I would try really damn hard not to trash the restaurant and kill Izaya on the spot because Simon never seemed to figure out that Izaya was just being condescending.

As soon as we left the restaurant, I'd chase him out of Ikebukuro…

Now probably won't be much different. I'll chase him until I lose him, then I'll go back home tired and angry.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya simpers, making me want to vomit. "Why are you making such an ugly face at me? Scary!"

"Shut up, Flea," I growl, "That's my line." I shovel sushi into my mouth. It tastes abnormal, but maybe it'll distract me long enough not to grab a piece of architecture and swing it at Izaya's stupid face.

He puts a hand on his chest, feigning hurt. "But Shizu-chan," he whines, "I'm only trying to be nice."

"You don't do nice!" I spit, feeling food fly out of my mouth.

Izaya shuts his eyes, grimacing when a few chunks of chewed sushi land on his cheek. "Shizu-chan… That's disgusting," he says, briskly wiping them off.

I cover my mouth with the back of my hand and can't help but laugh.

Simon soon returns with another plate of his _unorthodox_ sushi. "See," he says, setting the tray down on the table, "You are having good time getting along."

"Right," Izaya says somewhat tersely, his _good mood_ having been wiped away like the food I spat on his face.

* * *

Sure enough, when Izaya and I leave the restaurant it is cat and mouse all over again and it ends exactly how I predicted. It ends with me returning home tired and angry.

"What happened?" Kasuka asks after I slam the front door shut.

"Nothing," I growl.

"Izaya Orihara?" he guesses correctly.

I don't say anything, but I think my silence gives him his answer.

Fuck this.

Fuck Izaya.

If he keeps pissing me off I'll kill him again!

And if we're taken back again, then I'll do it again!

I'll keep doing it forever, if I have to.

Why the hell does he make me so fucking angry?

Probably because he tries to… I bet he gets off on it like some sort of freak.

I would like to know what his trauma is. His parents probably either beat him up or spoil him. It's one of two extremes.

Being in the body of a sixteen year old really has me thinking like one as well and that isn't a good thing. I'm going to do something stupid soon enough. I did a lot of stupid things at this age. It's probably going to be inevitable…

* * *

At school the next day Shinra hassles me the way he always does, and the day goes by slowly. Repeating high school is really the shits, and what makes it worse is Izaya waiting to harass me some more after class is over.

"What the hell do you want _now_?" I ask when I find him waiting at the school gates.

"Nothing~" he says, swinging back and forth on his toes.

"What the hell is your trauma?"

"My trauma…" he repeats, sounding somewhat airy. "I don't know what you mean."

"You are _fucked_ up," I point. "I may be a _monster_, but I'm still more human than you are!"

He smirks. "I never said I wanted to be human."

"Clearly…"

"I know what you are thinking," he says, shrugging carelessly. "It must have been my parents, right? Well, no. My family is exceptionally ordinary. I was neither spoiled nor neglected as a child."

"I find that incredibly hard to believe."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because you're so _fucked up_," I say. "Why did you turn out like that if your parents are normal?"

He smiles annoyingly, "I just see things differently."

I roll my eyes, wondering mildly what it is he would rather be than human. Probably a fuckin' God or something, considering his superiority complex. That's probably another reason he refuses to believe in God.

I wish I could identify myself as human. I wish people would identify me as a human, as well, rather than calling me the monster of Ikebukuro.

Izaya follows me as I start to walk and I try hard to ignore him. I'm so damn tired I'd probably be able to if only he'd keep his stupid mouth closed.

"Shizu-chaaaan," he whines, "Why won't you talk to meeee?"

"Because you're annoying!" I shout. "Besides, why do you want to talk to me? I just killed you."

"And I killed you."

"And you don't find something a little weird about that?" I ask, stifling a yawn in my hand.

"Shizu-chaaaan," he whines again, disregarding my question. "Are you tired?"

"No," I lie.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not," I repeat.

"Stop lying."

"Why the fuckin' hell do you care what I am?" I stop and roar at him.

He smiles. Of course he fuckin' smiles. Then he walks away.

What a freak.

Part of me thinks he wants me to chase after him, but I'm not going to.

I won't chase him. Not today.

Today, I'm going home to take a nap.

All this bullshit has me stressed out. It's fucking with my sleep.

* * *

The following night is a Saturday and Saturdays are usually spent roaming the streets of Ikebukuro. Right now I'm chatting with Shinra's soon-to-be-girlfriend, Celty, the headless rider. It's funny… I know what's going to happen in the future. I wonder if any of it will change. Maybe it's supposed to.

"I don't want to be alone," I admit, "but at the same time I can't help but put a distance between myself and others for their own safety. It is just like Izaya always says, I'm a monster."

If Celty had a head, I'm sure she'd be frowning right now. She takes her cellphone out of her sleeve and begins to type.

A few seconds later, she holds up her cellphone and I read, _"You shouldn't listen to what he says. He just likes to get you riled up."_

I smile wryly. "You're probably right…" I admit, "You know, I've considered it before, but I didn't think it made sense. Why does he enjoy pissing me off so much?"

"_Maybe he finds you interesting. Most people in Ikebukuro do, it's possible that he's no different."_

I laugh, "Right. Ah, I doubt that."

Her shoulders move up and down. I think she's laughing, too. She's probably surprised I'm opening up this much to her. I wasn't like this when I was younger. Our friendship was a relatively new investment in my past life… Or future life?

"_You're right, probably not, but you never know."_

I shove my hands in my pockets, shrugging. To be frank, it's a possibility I don't really want to think about because it would be weird. Everything that involves Izaya is weird and I'd just rather not think about him at all.

"_You know he used to be fairly normal and well liked."_

"What changed him, then?" I ask, trying to sound disinterested.

"_Don't repeat this – but I think it was Shinra."_

"Shinra?" I raise an eyebrow. What did Shinra have to do with this? I have half a mind to beat him up.

She starts typing again. _"Shinra says Izaya was the top student, though a bit of an outsider."_

"That sounds like him all right…" I mumble.

"_He wasn't one to make friends, but he wasn't cruel either. After he grew closer with Shinra, that changed."_

"Why, though?"

"_I think Izaya was jealous." _

"Really?" I ask, "It's hard to imagine the flea anything except sociopathic."

Her shoulders shake again – more laughter, I'm guessing. "_Shinra looked at things differently than Izaya was able to. Izaya was still very much human and I don't think he liked that. He wanted to be above humans." _

I can recall him saying that he _sees things differently_. I guess it's something he consciously tried to change about himself.

Hm. The things you learn.

"So is his entire personality just an act?"

"_I think it was in the beginning, but it's not anymore. He probably forgot his old self." _

"What a weird and stupid guy."

"_I think it's mostly sad."_

I shrug, "I have no sympathy towards people like that."


	3. Dumb kids

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**Thank you for all these lovely reviews (:**

* * *

Izaya really is such a pathetic guy. Even worse than I thought he was.

Sure enough, he finds me. He always fucking does.

"Celty," he greets, before giving me a stupid smirk. "And Shizu-chan, what a pleasant surprise."

"Flea…" I growl under my breath, balling my fists.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asks, still smirking, "You both look like you were in the middle of a very important conversation. Don't put it on hold for my sake."

"Flea!" I shout.

"What is it, you protozoan? I keep telling you, there's absolutely no need for yelling when I'm so close by."

And before I can even register the action, my legs are moving and I'm once again chasing him through the busy night-time streets of Ikebukuro.

"IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I yell after him, running as fast as I can.

Kill…. Kill…

I'm going to fucking kill him.

I can hear him laughing.

Well, I'll make sure he won't be laughing when I catch up to him…

"Flea!" I roar, reaching for the back of his shirt. I spin him around and pin him to the nearest wall. Christ, is he even trying to get away? He's making this so damn easy. "I wonder…" I pause, wrapping my hands around his throat, "what would happen if I did it again?"

"Wait, wait," he says somewhat frantically, digging his nails into the skin on my hand.

I lift an eyebrow, tightening my grip on his throat. "You aren't hurting me," I say almost mechanically, "You _can't_ hurt me. Not if you aren't holding that stupid, little knife."

"Okay," he cringes. "Sh-Shizu..." he coughs.

"It's your own fault for getting caught again," I say.

He really is weak…

Soon I feel him go limp in my hold. I let out a sigh and loosen my grip so he falls onto the pavement. I lean down, pressing two fingers to his neck. There's still a pulse, so he's not dead. I must've just choked him for too long.

When I turn around, Celty is standing on the sidewalk with her arms crossed. If she had a head, I have a feeling she would have an angry expression showing right about now.

She steps forward and waves her cellphone in my face_, "Did you kill him?"_

"No," I tell her, giving him a small kick with my foot, "Just knocked him out by accident." It's not _exactly_ a lie…

"_What did you do?"_

"…choked him."

"_Bring him to Shinra's."_

"But he'll be fine when he wakes up," I say, "It's not a big deal."

And I really don't want to be seen by anyone carrying Izaya around Ikebukuro. What a riot that would be.

"_Just do it!" _

"Fine," I mumble, bending down on one knee and grabbing Izaya by the arm before hoisting him over my shoulder unceremoniously.

He's light… And his weight is warm, which surprises me. It's one thing I never thought of associating him with because he's so damn cold on the inside.

Celty sticks her cellphone in my face again after I stand up, _"You make a mess, you clean it up." _

Izaya is a mess, but I'm not the one who made it that way.

Maybe I'm just the one who found him like that.

Nonetheless…

"Yeah, yeah," I say, not in the mood to argue over it.

* * *

I followed Celty back to Shinra's place with Izaya over my shoulder. As anyone might've guessed, it attracted a lot of attention. People pointed, saying things like "Isn't that the Heiwajima kid with the Orihara kid on his shoulder?"

Well, I guess I asked for it.

By this time, our fights are already growing familiar among the locals…

"What have we here?" Shinra asks once we step out of the elevator and into the main room of his flat.

I aimlessly toss Izaya towards the sofa, but he doesn't quite make it.

"Be gentle, Shizuo," Shinra scolds. "You'll give him brain damage!"

"Would that be so bad?"

He gives me a somewhat bemused look before bending over to lift Izaya onto the sofa.

"Now what happened?" he asks.

Before I can open my mouth, Celty has her cellphone in front of Shinra.

"_Shizuo choked Izaya and knocked him out_," he reads aloud before glancing over at me. "Shizuo, you really should try and get that temper under control."

"Don't you think I'm trying?" I say somewhat defensively.

Shinra and Celty share a look before shaking their heads – well, with Celty shaking her helmeted head.

"Choking deprives the brain from oxygen," he states. "This can cause serious brain damage – meaning a possible loss of neurological functions."

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask.

"He could suffer from memory problems and such…" he specifies.

"Is that likely?" I ask.

"He's probably fine," Shinra says, "but you should be careful."

"It's just Izaya," I mumble, "it doesn't matter."

"You may not like him, but he does have a family, just like you do."

Hm. The possibility of people caring about him astounds me.

I sit on the chair across from the sofa Izaya's passed out on and watch as Shinra checks his vitals.

He checks his pulse, opens up his eyelids and all that junk before turning to me and saying, "It all looks good."

"See? I told you he was fine."

"This time he is, but next time the outcome may be different."

I cross my arms, leaning back. I really hate getting scolded. It pisses me off.

"You're lucky," Shinra says suddenly.

"Why?"

He grins, "If you had to take him to a hospital, you'd have an awful lot of explaining to do."

"I was just going to leave him there… but Celty wouldn't let me."

"Well, it's a good thing I know a little about this then," he says. "Thanks to the both of you, I'm actually learning a lot as I go."

"Oh, yeah," I mumble. I keep forgetting Shinra isn't a doctor yet. He's still only in high school, just like me and just like the flea. "Can I go now?" I ask.

"I think you should wait for Izaya to wake up and then apologize," Shinra says.

I laugh loudly, "That's fucking funny."

He laughs, too, "Yeah, I didn't think that would fly by with you, but stay for dinner."

"What're you having?"

"I don't know yet," he says, "We'll fix up something quick."

I shrug, "Sure, why not?"

Celty wanders out of the room and into the kitchen. Before Shinra follows, he instructs me to watch Izaya until he wakes up.

I make a face and look over at him. I've never seen his sleeping face before. He looks pretty peaceful. He looks even more breakable like this and I think it's really beginning to set in that he may not be as strong as he lets on. For some reason I can't look away. When he looks like this, I find it hard to imagine he's the same annoying guy that I am always trying to kill.

He shifts to his side and soon enough, his eyes slowly open. I notice a brief flicker of some unidentifiable emotion cross his face but as soon as it's there it's gone.

"Shizu-chan?" he mumbles somewhat weakly before his eyes widen – he's probably recalling what I just did to him. He quickly jumps up off the sofa and takes a step backwards, almost tripping over a coffee table in the process.

I cross my arms, smirking. Looks like I scared him good. Maybe now he'll stop pissing me off all the damn time.

He reaches towards his bruised neck, the gesture looking almost unconscious. "I'm alive," he states somewhat monotonously.

"Yeah, you're lucky you passed out first," I say. "I thought it would have been a pretty cheap move to kill someone who wasn't even conscious."

"It was a cheap move to begin with," he scowls.

"You were asking for it, stupid louse," I say, "Getting caught like that, what the hell were you thinking?"

His scowl deepens. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"You sure about that?" I taunt.

He dismisses me, looking around the room for the first time since opening his eyes. "This is Shinra's place…"

"Yeah."

"You brought me here?"

"I had to carry you like some fucking baby. _Everyone_ saw," I immaturely say.

"Everyone?"

"Yeah."

He flushes, "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. Ask Celty. She saw the whole thing. She probably thought it was hilarious." Okay, I'm exaggerating. She was probably pretty irritated about the whole situation, but Izaya doesn't need to know that. I'll let him think the worst.

He looks somewhat defeated, sitting back on the sofa. "A thing like that could ruin my reputation, you know," he says, narrowing his eyes.

"Not my problem," I cross my arms.

"Yes it is!" he points. "_You_ shouldn't go around trying to kill people."

"But isn't that what monsters do?"

His facial expression changes to something I can't quite place and he stays silent.

A minute or so later, Shinra and Celty peek out at us through the kitchen.

"You're awake," Shinra says.

Izaya glances over at him, mumbling a "yes".

"How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts and I feel nauseous," Izaya says tersely, "though it's probably just from breathing the same air as the protozoan."

Shinra snorts, "Sounds like you two are getting along famously."

I grimace.

It really isn't my fault at all. Izaya is the one who makes me like this. It's his own damn fault. He's is the one who stupidly decided to taunt me. It's not my fault that I caught up with him – staying out of my way should be his responsibility.

"Anyway," Shinra says, "dinner is ready. Izaya, are you staying?"

"No," Izaya shakes his head. "I have some business to attend to."

"Okay," Shinra relents, "be careful."

"I always am," he says before leaving.

I glance over at Shinra with curiosity. "What does he have to be careful of?" I ask, though I can probably name a few things.

"Yakuza," Shinra explains.

"Ah," I say. Yeah, that's what I had assumed. He's gotten in shit with them before… but it isn't my problem.

* * *

After dinner with Shinra, I head home and go to straight bed.

Izaya isn't at school the next day and I notice right away that he isn't waiting to greet me with some annoying look.

I don't think much of it until the day after that, when I notice he's still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe he's sick," Shinra suggests as we take our seats in the classroom.

"Whatever," I say. If I can recall it correctly, Izaya made it a habit to skip school, though it's not like I give a rat's ass what happens to the flea.

"Hopefully it's nothing worse," Shinra adds. "I did tell him to take caution."

"Like he'd ever listen to you," I mumble.

Izaya leads a pretty dangerous life in the future… then again; maybe he's always lived one. I don't know, because I don't really know him.

I guess we all live pretty dangerous lives even now and it only gets worse as we grow. Shinra becomes an underground doctor who has a relationship with Celty, the headless rider. I'm the guy thugs pick fights with when they want to test their strength or try to show off in front of their buddies. Izaya is the infamous, manipulative, sociopathic informant.

"Oh! Look, there's Izaya, and with five minutes to spare before class starts," Shinra points as the familiar dark head of hair walks into the room.

"Hm," I mumble.

I try not to show it, but I'm surprised to see what looks like a faint bruise on his cheekbone. Shinra seems to notice this, too.

"Tsk," he clicks his tongue. "I guess he wasn't as careful as he insisted he would be."

Well, it's his own fault for being an idiot.

* * *

"What do you want?" I ask Izaya after school. He's loitering in his usual spot with his usual annoying smile.

"I just want to see you, Shizu-chan," he simpers, rubbing his shoulder against my arm.

I cringe, pushing him away. "Gross. Don't do that."

He just smiles wider and begins to follow me as I walk home.

"So what happened to your face?" I ask.

"Ah ah ah," he scolds, "you don't get to ask me questions like that."

I raise an eyebrow, "Why not? I am obviously going to if you are jumping around right in front of me like that, dumbass."

"Shizu-chan is so rude," he says, dramatically sighing.

With effort, I relent, asking, "Did you really not have anything to do with us being back here?"

"Really," he says. "I did nothing. I was just as confused as you were, protozoan."

"Why are we back here?" I wonder aloud.

"Maybe we're supposed to be friends~" Izaya says, skipping alongside me.

I snort, "If that were the case, you wouldn't be so fucking annoying."

"Language, Shizu-chan!" he gasps. "Those words heart my virgin ears."

"I doubt there is anything virginal about you," I snort.

He gives me an irritated glare.

"But okay," I continue, "pretend that, for a second, we are supposed to… be friends… or civil, at the least – what would even be the point?"

"I don't know, Shizu-chan," Izaya shrugs, "If we combine my brain and that pea-sized brain of yours, then perhaps we can come up with something."

"Flea," I growl, feeling my eyebrow twitch at the insult.

He smirks again.

I fucking hate that face of his…

"Well, this is where I turn," he says as we approach an intersection, "Bye, Shizu-chan!" He waves before running off.

And it's strange… that was the most civil conversation we've ever had, though it wasn't all that civil. At least I didn't explode and punch him in the face or try to kill him this time. Maybe it's a first step.

When I get home, I can't help but wonder who the hell smacked Izaya and why. Well… I can understand _why_ someone would want to – I mean, he's annoying as hell, but I don't get what kind of person would actually do it… apart from me, that is. A lot of people are too scared of him to try anything. Then again, he's a child and so am I. We aren't adults anymore. We're just dumb kids.

Either way, I can't help but be curious, so I end up calling Shinra and asking about it later on.

"Did he tell you?"

"I asked him if he needed first aid or anything after class," Shinra starts, "but he said he took care of it himself and that everything was fine."

"Oh."

Tch, what an idiot – getting involved with the yakuza is the dumbest thing a kid can do. Gangs in general should be avoided by people who want to keep their life simple… I wanted to keep mine simple, but it was hard with my reputation. And all that certainly didn't stop me from joining the Dollars and getting involved in a hell of a lot of drama.

I hear Shinra chuckle on the other line. "Shizuo," he begins, "Why are you so curious? It almost sounds like you care."

"Hardly!" I growl, "I just want to know who hit Izaya so I can call them and thank them!"

After that, I hang up, not waiting to listen for Shinra's reply.


	4. Awakusu-Kai

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**Raised the rating just to be safe. There won't be anything overly graphic in this story, but still. **

**R&R (:**

* * *

I let out a long sigh, looking up at the moon. It's dark and it's late, but I need to clear my head.

Why the hell am I here?

I'd really fucking love to know the answer to that question.

I'd also fucking love to know what the hell the flea has to do with it. Why is he here with me? Is really a second change, or is it just a punishment?

As each day goes by, it starts to seem more like a punishment.

I shove my hands in my pocket and I walk along the sidewalk, pulling a cigarette out of the newly purchased box.

I inhale deeply after lighting it and let out a little cough, but fuck, it feels good. I missed this. Sure, I had to go through a little trouble getting the cigarettes since I'm still a minor, but it was worth it.

I continue walking aimlessly and soon enough, I'm deep in downtown Ikebukuro. It can be a pretty fucked up place if you aren't careful. This city's underbelly can destroy a person. I've seen it happen a countless amount of times.

Sure enough, I hear feet shuffling and what sounds like someone getting mugged? There's a frustrated sounding groan and what sounds like… crying?

"Hurry up and put him in the damn car!"

"I'm trying, he's struggling too much!"

"What damage can he do?"

"The drugs haven't kicked in yet…"

"He's a fucking child!"

Fuck. I want to leave. I don't want to get myself involved in anything that will piss me off, but I can't, in good conscience, walk away when I hear something like that. Then again… maybe I'll just screw it up like the time I hurt the lady who used to give me and Kasuka milk.

Then again… maybe I'll be able to control myself enough to stop at the right time.

I let out an irritated sigh before turning to the direction that the commotion is coming from.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask as I turn down the street and approach the scene.

I'm somewhat surprised at what I see. I had expected a couple of scruffy thugs, but these guys look heavy duty. There are two men in black suits, one is talking loudly on the phone, and has hold of a pair of struggling legs poking out from inside the car's open door.

"Ah, shit!" the one trying to get the kid in the car yells, "It's the monster kid, Heiwajima!"

"Yeah, exactly. He's a fuckin' _kid_," the one on the phone hisses to his partner, "get rid of him."

"I can't do two things at once!"

I cross my arms. Sure, I'm a kid… but I'm not a normal kid. At times like this, I guess it can be a good thing.

The guy on the phone makes an irritated sound before hanging up on whoever he was speaking with. He shoves the phone in his front pocket and turns to open the car trunk, grabbing a steel pipe.

Tsk… points for effort.

"Kid," the man says, "turn around and I won't beat your brains in."

I take the cigarette out from between my lips and break it before tossing it onto the pavement and stepping on it. I let out a sigh before looking back up, "Not gonna happen."

The guy charges me, swinging the pipe in my direction and making contact with the side of my head.

I shut my eyes for a moment and feel blood run down the side of my head – but that's all.

The pain… it's not there. Of course it's not there.

When I open my eyes, I stare at the man still wielding the pipe.

"Didn't hurt," I say, with what probably looks like a fairly psychotic grin.

He looks scared.

In a desperate frenzy, he tries to swing again, but I catch it this time and rip it out of his hand.

"Nice try," I say before tossing it behind me. I reach forward and grab the man by his jacket, tossing him as far and fast as I can. "You don't fuck with kids, you sick freaks."

His partner is staring agape, still holding onto the pair of weakly squirming legs.

"Are you next?" I ask him, giving him the option to leave with his health.

"N-no!" he stutters, reaching into the car and tossing the kid onto the pavement. "He's all yours," the guy chokes before frantically getting in the car and speeding away.

After he's gone, I look down at the kid he threw to my feet and I'm more than surprised at who I see.

Izaya.

He's hand cuffed and his mouth is taped, but it's him all right. He looks a fucking mess. All that aside, his shirt is also riding up, his hair is sticking out in odd angles and his eyes are wet.

I can't help but voice my shock. "Izaya?" I shout angrily.

He stares at me blankly before shutting his eyes, almost like he's saying he's giving up.

I bend down and rip the tape of his mouth.

"Ow…" he mumbles.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask.

"Not your business," he says airily.

"Sorry to break it to you, but yeah it is, I don't know why, but I just risked my hide saving your stupid ass. That made it my business and if people come after me because of it, I deserve to know why."

He wrinkles his nose at me, and the mention of me saving him.

"So, come on," I urge him.

He shuts his eyes. "Can't now," he mumbles.

"Why?"

"Drugged," he says weakly.

"Tsk," I click my tongue before hoisting him over my shoulder. "I gotta say, I'm getting sick of dragging your limp, stupid body around town."

But I think he's already unconscious by the time I finish the sentence.

* * *

I contemplate walking to Shinra's, but my own house is closer. I find myself grimacing at the possibility of Izaya stepping foot in my home, but I can't exactly leave him here. Shinra and Celty would be annoyed.

I let out a sigh before making my way back to my place, silently thanking God that my parents are out visiting relatives this week.

When I arrive back home, I dump him unceremoniously in the guest room before going back to my room.

I run a hand through my hair and groan.

What the fuck am I doing?

This is way too messed up… This kind of shit doesn't just happen. People don't just suddenly begin to show sympathy towards people they hate.

Whatever.

I'm not going to think about it. I'll just go with whatever happens. Besides, we'll probably be fighting again in the morning so I shouldn't keep stressing over things that don't even matter.

* * *

Morning comes fast – I think I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I stand up and walk into the hallway, remembering that Izaya is in the guest room. I quietly approach the room, opening the door.

Inside, Izaya looks like he just woke up as well. He's glancing around the room with a look of confusion until his eyes fall on me.

"Shizu-chan?"

I cross my arms and lean in the doorway. "Do you remember what happened last night?" I ask.

He presses his lips together before tersely saying, "Yes."

"Well, what happened?"

"I was drugged," he sighs, rubbing his forehead. He probably has a pretty wicked headache.

"Do you remember what happened after that?"

"Two ugly lackeys tried to take me."

"And then…?" I push.

"I don't remember.

"Well that is around when _I_ saved your sorry ass," I jab my thumb into my chest.

He looks surprised. "Why?"

"Tch," I sigh, "I didn't know what the hell kind of guys they were – I didn't need your murder on my conscience."

"That didn't stop you from killing me," he comments.

I snort.

Yeah, I guess that much is true.

"They weren't going to murder me anyway," he admits.

"Well, whatever," I shrug. "So what the hell was going on?"

"It's none of your business."

"Yes, it is! I told you this last night but clearly you don't remember – it is my problem because I saved your stupid ass and if I have the fuckin' yakuza after me I deserve to know why and what the hell I saved you from."

Izaya scowls at me before opening his mouth. "I went back on something I promised I'd do for Shiki-san," he mumbles.

"Who is Shiki?"

"Awakusu-kai…"

"Tch… idiot," I grimace, "You're involved with _them_?"

"Only sometimes," he notes.

"Well, _sometimes_ means you're still involved," I throw my hands up in the air. "What the hell were you doing that got them so angry?"

He flushes, looking angry that he needs to be telling me this shit. "Information was needed from someone who is notorious for liking teenaged boys. I was going to let him…" he trails off, making a gesture with his hands, "but then I changed my mind. They didn't like that."

I grimace.

Fucking gross!

"Oh, come on," he snaps at my expression, "don't act so surprised!"

Ohoh. He's angry and yelling at me. There's something different.

"What do you mean?" I growl. I did save him, after all, and I don't mean to sound as violent as I do, but old habits die hard. I think he understands that, because he doesn't say anything about it.

"The rumors aren't true."

"What rumors?"

"That I sleep around for information… It never happened. It almost happened, but it didn't."

"Oh," I make a face.

Yeah, I've heard a lot of those nasty rumors, though I have a feeling that not all of them are false.

Izaya Orihara fucks for information.

Izaya Orihara fucks for money.

Izaya Orihara is the slut of the mafia.

Izaya Orihara manipulates people into killing themselves.

Izaya Orihara pretends to be a girl so he can get favors from powerful men.

Izaya Orihara has no soul…

If that last one is true, he may be worse than me.

The list goes on for miles, but I've never really given much thought to any of them. I didn't care about that, I just cared about giving him what he had coming for pissing me off.

"So, then… have you ever…?" I glance over at him and make a lewd gesture with my hands.

He gives me a dry look.

"_Really_?" I ask, probably showing unmasked surprise. "You're a virgin?"

"Right now I am," Izaya grits, sounding highly irritated.

"Really?" I say again.

"It's not that hard to believe! We're still only teenagers."

"Well," I shrug, "You love humans…"

"But not like that. I just like to watch them, see the way they react when they're put in certain situations."

"Hm," I mumble.

He rolls his eyes. "What about you, then?"

"What?"

"Are you a virgin?"

"Well, no."

He smirks, "You probably killed the girl you slept with."

"Tch, shut the fuck up," I mumble.

I didn't.

"So…" I say, deciding to change the subject before Izaya asks any more annoying questions, "What happened last time…? I mean… I wasn't here to save you last time…" I ask awkwardly.

"I got taught a lesson," he sighs, examining his nails and trying to feign carelessness.

"What kind of lesson?"

He gives me a look of disgust before asking, "What kind do you think?"

And I don't need him to say anything else. I feel sympathy brewing in my gut as I mumble out an awkward apology.

"I don't need your pity," he states, sighing and portraying a careless façade.

"Well, I can't help it," I admit. "You already have it."

He gives me a somewhat irritated look before standing up. "I don't want it," his voice cracks.

"Well… it'll be okay," I say, somewhat uncomfortably. "All that stuff… It never happened."

"I know," he says quietly. "I'm glad… it didn't have to happen again."

"Yeah…"

And maybe I'm saying all the wrong things – No, I know I'm saying all the wrong things. I have no experience in dealing with this kind of shit. Maybe it doesn't matter that it didn't happen this time, because the memory is still there and it's something he needs to live with.

I let out a sigh before turning around and into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of milk.

A minute later he follows.

"Where are we?" he asks, keeping his distance from me as if he thinks I'm going to attack him.

"My house."

"I got that, ape, but where is your house located?"

I give him my address, silently hoping he forgets it later on but knowing he won't. It'll be just like Izaya to do something weird to my house…

He frowns and opens his mouth to speak but Kasuka walks into the room and cuts him off.

"Orihara?" he asks monotonously from the kitchen doorway, looking back and forth at me and Izaya.

Ugh.

How am I going to explain this one?

Izaya puts on that annoying grin he likes to wear before latching onto my arm and saying, "Your heroic brother saved me last night from a bunch of meanies."

I shake him off and grimace, throwing a punch in his direction. He ducks away and his smile widens.

"It was hardly my choice," I insist.

"Oh," Kasuka says simply continuing down the hallway.

"Tch," I click my tongue after he's gone.

"Well," Izaya says, taking a few steps back. "This has been awfully exciting, Shizu-chan, but I must be going. I have a feeling I'll be vomiting soon enough, and I'd rather not do that in your presence. However, I'll be sure to remember your address so I can come visit you again."

"Please don't," I growl.

He turns around. "Er…" he pauses, "Where's the front door?"

I snort back a laugh before leading him out.

When he's gone, I retreat to the kitchen and pour myself another glass of milk.

Izaya is so annoying.

Okay, maybe he isn't as bad as I thought he was… but he is still annoying. Not that I'd ever admit that to his face. He'd never let me forget it.

Maybe he's just screwed up.

Maybe we are all a little screwed up.


	5. The calm before the storm

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**Sorry this is a short one! Once again, thank you for reviews and the like! R&R~ **

* * *

I've noticed that Izaya has been a lot less annoying with each passing week. Maybe this is his way of silently thanking me for saving him from… Well, from something that not even he deserved to experience in the first place.

I thought I'd end up regretting it when I first tossed him into the guest room at my house – but I don't regret it.

I guess things are beginning to make sense and maybe that is the reason why he always avoids getting physically close to people. He likes being chased, but never caught and I'm beginning to think it's for many reasons and not just because I might kill him if he gets to close.

He hasn't been waiting to taunt me after school, he hasn't been following me home and he hasn't been trying to get a rise out of me.

He's been… oddly easy going and serene lately.

I'm not sure whether or not I like it. It feels like he's planning something.

Maybe he's just embarrassed? I did save him after all, and now I know all the ugly details. He's a private person.

I don't really know much about him, to be honest. Not that I ever cared to ask around before being sent back here. That said, I'm also a pretty private person. So is Shinra, and so is Celty. I guess we have to be, because if we don't keep our secrets this city will use them against us and swallow us all whole. You can't really afford to be outgoing and overly personable while living dangerously.

"Shinra?"

"Yeah, Shizuo?"

"Do you believe in God?" I ask.

"Well," he taps his chin thoughtfully. "If there are dullahans, then who knows? Perhaps there are Gods, too."

"Oh."

"My turn to ask a question," he snickers. "What is going on with you and Izaya?"

"Nothing," I shrug, not wanting to get into it. "What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean… No, I _know_ you know what I mean."

I let out an angry sigh. "I saved his life," I reluctantly admit.

"Izaya's?" Shinra looks surprised, his eyes going comically immense. "What do you mean by that?" he asks, "Isn't it just a little while ago that you tried to choke him to death?"

I snort at the memory. "Yeah," I say, "I was walking around at night. I guess I just needed some air. I heard what sounded like a struggle and found Izaya being forced into a car by some of those Awakusu-Kai bastards. I didn't even know it was him when I made the conscious decision to do something, but after the guys left I realized who it was. I was surprised, to say the least…"

I decide to spare the details of what they were going to do with him and why. I doubt Izaya wants anyone knowing this story, let alone that part of the story. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want people knowing about it either.

"Wow," Shinra mumbles.

"I took him to my place. He was drugged up pretty good."

"That was nice of you, Shizuo," Shinra comments as we wait for class to begin, "I know it must not have been easy for you to –"

"To do something nice in the first place?" I cut in, somewhat bitterly.

"No," he says, giving me a look, "to do something nice _for Izaya_."

I shrug, "Yeah… I think he was crying. His eyes were bloodshot."

"Well, I think most kids and even some adults would be crying if they were in his position. The Awakusu-kai… they are pretty dangerous people."

"Yeah," I agree. Damn, I keep forgetting we're just kids.

"You best be careful, Shizuo," he warns. "Things won't stay quiet. You got yourself involved, and things might get ugly."

"Tch… I don't know why that idiot would get involved with them to begin with…"

"You know how he is," Shinra shrugs. "Though, he never used to be like that."

"Really?" I ask, recalling what Celty was telling me about a while back.

Shinra nods. "He was quieter; he kept to himself mostly and definitely didn't try to start things with people."

Yeah… I definitely find that hard to believe. I can't imagine an Izaya that keeps to himself. Izaya likes to make everyone's business his own.

That's probably why I am finding Izaya's behaviour so damn hard to believe.

"I don't know, Shizuo," Shinra sighs, "sometimes I just think Izaya wants someone to care about him."

"Yeah," I mumble.

I'm beginning to think so, too.

"Did I hear my name?"

Speak of the devil.

I turn around and see Izaya standing there, though he's not wearing his typical annoying smile. He just looks normal – the way he looks when he's sleeping. No stupid expression.

"Don't worry, Izaya," Shinra says, "all good things."

Izaya snorts, not believing it for a second. "You're probably just talking about what a horrible person you think I am again, right Shinra?" he asks, taking a seat next to the future doctor.

"You caught me," Shinra holds up his hands.

I highly doubt Izaya is buying the lies, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he just goes along with it.

I've been trying to talk as little as I can, because I know that if I open my mouth, I'll say something that will get Izaya going. I'd like to keep things quiet for as long as I can.

* * *

After school, I am unsurprised to see that Izaya is nowhere in sight. I shrug it off before starting to walk home. When I turn onto my street I notice a familiar black car behind me.

I try to ignore it, but it begins to follow me.

Tch…

I wonder if it's the yakuza… I really hope it's not. I don't need to be dealing with any of that shit.

I continue walking, keeping an eye on the car with my peripheral vision.

I turn down an alley way and wait.

Just like I thought, a man gets out of the car and follows after me.

"Why are you following me?" I cross my arms. "What do you want?"

"I think you know why."

Yeah… it's probably the Izaya thing.

Fuck.

How annoying.

"Is it because of Izaya Orihara?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything, but that's all the answer I need. A second later, he pulls a gun out from inside of his coat.

Shit.

Man, I hate guns…

I _really_ hate guns.

They really slow me down and if this is going to persist then I can't afford a long stay at some goddamn hospital.

"Sorry we have to do this, kid," the man says, cocking it and pointing it in my direction.

"No, you're not," I say.

He smirks, "Yeah, you're right. I'll take pleasure in being the one to take down the monster child."

Then he pulls the trigger.


	6. A surprise visit

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**Sorry for the delay. Went on a bit of a road trip haha. Enjoy~ Read, review and all that jazz. **

* * *

"Shizuo?" I hear a voice call, "Shizuo can you hear me?"

I open my bleary eyes, squinting as a bright light shines down on my face. I blink a few times before turning my head to take in the faces of Shinra and Kasuka.

"Where am I?" I ask hoarsely, beginning to sit up.

"You're in the hospital," Kasuka states, "you were shot in the chest. Try not to move… you probably won't feel it if you bust your stitches."

"Right," I lay back down.

"You're lucky," Shinra adds, "whoever shot you had poor aim. They just missed your heart... I assume that is what they were aiming for."

"Oh."

"So what happened?" he asks.

"Some people tried to pick a fight with me," I lie, "and, as you can see, they didn't fight fair."

Shinra sighs. "You always seem to attract the worst kind of people," he says.

"Yeah…" I mumble. Ain't my fault.

"I'll get the doctor and tell him you are awake," Kasuka cuts in, leaving the room.

Shinra watches him leave before turning back towards me. "Okay, now what really happened?" he asks.

"I guess the guys I saved Izaya from weren't too happy," I admit. "They wanted some sort of… equal trade, I guess."

Shinra shakes his head. "Seems like neither of you can stay out of trouble."

"It's not like I ever seek it out," I protest, "It just happens to find me."

"I know," he says sympathetically.

* * *

The cops tried to ask me a lot of questions, but I dismissed them all.

There's an unspoken rule for everyone involved in underground activity – do not involve the police. If the police get involved, it won't do any good. We need to be able to solve the problems we create and control the things we get ourselves into, no matter how dangerous.

Shinra left a couple hours ago, and Kasuka left shortly after that.

I've been lying here, stiff as a bored and bored stiff. I tried to sleep, but I'm not tired so I'm just staring into empty space.

A minute later, a nurse walks in smiling sweetly. "You have another visitor," she informs me.

"Who is it?" I ask gruffly.

"It's one of your schoolmates," she says, motioning to whoever is outside to come in.

That's when I spot Izaya.

He looks somewhat melancholic.

"Tch," I spit impulsively as the nurse leaves, "What are you doing here, Flea?"

"So we're back to that are we?" he asks with a sigh. "Calm down or you'll bust your stitches."

"And you'd probably find that hilarious, wouldn't you?"

"Maybe," he admits, taking a seat on a nearby chair. "So," he begins, "Shinra says you almost died."

"And?"

"When you saved me, I thought it made us even."

"Even?"

"From when you tried to choke me to death again."

Oh. Right. So I guess that's why he was being less annoying lately.

"Hm…" I mumble, staring up at the ceiling.

"I guess… you got more than you bargained for when you saved me, didn't you?" he asks.

"Yeah," I admit, "but I wouldn't' say I regret it, either."

"Really?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say again.

"I guess what Shinra says isn't so strange after all."

"What does Shinra say?"

"Shinra says you're a good person because you want to be," he offers. "He says it doesn't matter that you've done wrong, because you want to do right."

"Yeah," I say, "Shinra said that to me before, too."

"It's not the same for me."

"I know," I agree. "You don't care about being a good person."

Izaya shrugs. "I can't argue with that."

"It doesn't bother you?" I ask, wrinkling my nose at him.

"No," he says simply. "The world is full of good people and bad people – to be honest, the good probably far outweigh the bad."

"And that's your logic for being a sociopath?"

He doesn't answer. Instead, he stands up and walks towards the side of my hospital bed. "You know, your roots are showing," he says, reaching over and pulling on a strand of my hair. "They have been for a while now."

"Whatever, Flea. Why are you here?"

He dismisses the question, instead asking, "Why do you dye your hair?"

"Because Tom told me to."

"Who is Tom?"

"Well he's… he _was_ my boss… in the future, I guess."

"Ah, right. Why did he tell you to dye your hair?"

"He said it'd keep all the punk-ass kids out of my way."

"Did it?"

I make a face. "Not really, but I got a damn reputation because of it… not that I ever wanted one to begin with."

"Ah, yes," Izaya says, "The strongest man in Ikebukuro – the man with inhuman strength. That blond hair makes you perfectly decipherable."

"I'm gonna try to live quietly this time," I admit.

Key word – _try_.

"I wonder if we're changing history," Izaya muses aloud, "not just our part in history, but… everyone's history."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… perhaps since we are doing things differently, the things we are familiar with won't happen."

"Hm," I consider. "Maybe that's the point of this."

Hopefully, if things do change, they'll change for the better. Hopefully there won't be any fights or stupid gangs or dead kids this time 'round.

"You know, before you killed me I never used to think about death," Izaya says. "I felt as though I was impervious to it. I only used to fear losing control. I used to be worried that if I ever experienced that, then I would simply begin to fear everything."

"Did you?" I wonder.

"No," he admits. "I just feel thoughtful."

"Thoughtful how?"

"You know, I once met a girl on a suicide forum, and I pretended that I would commit suicide with her. For some people, being alone is the worst feeling and I guess she didn't want to have that feeling during her last moments on earth."

"… Why?" I raise an eyebrow, "and what were you doing on a suicide forum?"

"Just having some fun," Izaya shrugs. "So I let a few guys know her location and kidnap her. This made her angry. At first, I took this as proof she didn't really want to die and suddenly everything about her was completely pathetic. After having her saved, I met her on a rooftop and told her how stupid I thought she was. I wasn't having fun anymore, so I left her alone up there."

Clearly his idea of fun is a hell of a lot different than mine is.

"Are you trying to piss me off, or does this story have a point?"

"I've been thinking about it, mainly because we're now around the same age she was. Maybe she wasn't angry because she was going to die, but angry because she wouldn't be in control of her death."

"So?" I shrug, "Wouldn't someone who truly die want to die no matter the circumstances."

"I thought so too, but I suppose we can never be sure about these things," he pauses. "Now I feel like I can relate to the fear she felt."

"Why?" I ask.

"Control…" he says, "It's something I need, and it is something I lost when you killed me. Death has always been something I feared because death can go hand in hand with losing control."

"I guess," I say, but I don't apologize for killing him.

"But you know what I found funny?"

"What?"

Izaya puts on one of those less-than-genuine smiles, "After I turned away, she jumped off the building… Like she thought it might upset me. I wasn't upset; I just found it unfortunately pathetic. It was very spiteful and impulsive – there were no genuine emotions there."

"Did you actually convince someone to kill themselves?" I ask in disbelief.

"Oh, she didn't die."

"Then how?"

"Celty saved her."

"Huh?"

"Celty is also the one who saved her from the kidnappers and dropped her off to meet me. She clearly didn't trust me with such a young and fragile mind. She was right to hang around, I suppose." Izaya lets out a sigh, shaking his head. "She didn't try to die again after that. She didn't truly ever want to die; I had already assumed that much. Perhaps you could even say that I taught her to value her life."

"You're fucked up."

"So are you, Monster."

"At least I have a conscience."

He smiles a different kind of smile, one I've never seen him wear before and it looks strange. "But Shizu-chan," he starts, "Remember, I don't care about trivial things like that. I only care about myself."

"Right," I snort. "So… why are you here again?"

He shrugs, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. "I was curious," he says.

"Curious?" I repeat.

"Yes."

I let out a sigh of frustration.

He takes his hands out of his pocket, pulling out a knife.

"What the hell?" I raise my voice.

Just when I thought he was growing tolerable, he turns it all around and does a thing like this!

"Shh," he whispers in a strangely soothing voice. "Don't make this difficult."

"You really are fucking psychotic," I say.

"Maybe I am," he admits.

"Put the blade away, Izaya."

He frowns. "I could kill you right now, Shizu-chan… I could kill you so easily."

"But you won't," I say without even hesitating, though I'm not sure how I can say it with such confidence.

"Oh?"

"Put the blade away," I repeat.

He doesn't, so instead, I sit up and knock the knife out of his hand. It falls onto the floor with a clang and Izaya just stares at me.

"Blood," he says almost mechanically, pointing to my chest with the hand I'm not gripping.

I look down, and sure enough, my stitches are busted and staining the stupid hospital gown.

"Tch," I growl, letting go of him. "Now look what you've done."

I see a flash of an expression I can't place cross his face, but as soon as it's there it's gone.

He picks up the blade, taking steps back towards the door, and then he's gone, too.


	7. A little less than human

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

**As always, thanks for the awesome reviews! I'm really glad my characterization is liked (:**

* * *

Izaya didn't visit me again after that, but I don't care. I'm glad he didn't come back. What a psychotic bastard.

Yesterday I was finally allowed to leave the hospital. The first thing I did was buy hair dye because today was my first day back at school and I'm not quite ready to be a brunet again. Maybe someday, but definitely not yet.

"Bye, Shizuo!" Shinra waves as we part after our last class.

"See yah," I mumble before walking off. I leave through the back door so I can smoke a cigarette on the field alone, but am more than annoyed to see Izaya there.

"IZAYA!" I yell, stomping towards him and accidentally crushing the entire package of cigarettes in my hand in the process.

He doesn't answer.

"IZAYA!" I yell again as I get closer.

"Monster…"

I stand in front of him where he's seated on the school bleachers, reaching down to grab him by the collar. He looks tired and careless. He doesn't even look me in the eye.

"What was that you just called me?" I ask, balling my fist and shoving it square in his face.

A drop of blood runs down his nose, but I don't stop until I've landed a few more solid hits. I let go of collar and push him down hard against the bleachers.

He lets out a pained hiss as his body slams against the wooden stands.

"What the hell was that in the hospital?" I ask, shoving my foot into his stomach.

He still won't talk.

I deliver a kick to his side, before I bend down and start shaking him. "TALK!" I shout desperately, panting.

He doesn't protest until I've stopped. I let out a sigh, trying to collect myself.

He stands up shakily, wearing a pained expression before taking that stupid blade out of his pocket, wielding it. "Don't come any closer," he weakly warns, wiping the bits of blood on his sleeve.

I tilt my head to the side. "What the fuck, Flea?" I growl.

He doesn't budge; he just stands there with the blade in his hold.

I take a step forward.

"STOP!" he screams hoarsely, shaking the blade in my direction. "I swear I'll kill you!"

"Really?" I ask.

"REALLY, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"You know," I chuckle, "you're acting a little bit like me right now. Usually I'm the one yelling that to you, not the other way around. This is definitely something new."

He lets out a laugh that sounds like a sob before shutting his eyes and letting the blade fall onto the grass.

"Flea…" I pause. "Izaya?"

Jeez… I'm having the hardest time being angry because of how pathetic he looks right now. I don't want to say I've began to care, but maybe I have. I mean… maybe that's a normal feeling to experience towards someone you save. You want to keep them safe.

"I can't…" he mumbles quietly, as if he's saying it to himself. He drops to his knees and I find myself crouching down next to him. "I can't do it…"

"What the hell is going on?" I ask, for what feels like the hundredth time.

He shakes his head.

"Izaya?"

"It hurts…" he whispers, closing his eyes.

"Well…" I reason, "You asked for it by making me angry."

"Not that," he says so quietly I can barely hear it.

I frown, moving closer. "What hurts, then?"

He opens his eyes. They're glassy.

I watch his lips part as he leans in and presses them against mine. I barely have time to register the action and Izaya pulls away with a quiet, wet sound that feels like it will create an awkward permanence in my mind.

"Why did you do that?" I ask, choking out the question. I move away, touching my lips with the back of my hand.

"Because," he says simply.

"Why did you do that?" I repeat the question with more intent this time. I probably sound impatient and irritated, though I don't necessarily mean to.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah, 'cause I don't fucking get it!"

"I love you!" he shouts angrily. I watch the words fly out of his mouth and immediately he looks like he wishes he could take them back.

"You what?" I gape.

He looks away. "I'm not saying it again."

Love? He loves _me_? Is he even capable of feeling that sort of love?

"Why would you try and kill the person you love?" I ask quietly. He has to be fucking kidding.

"I had to try."

"Why?"

He's quiet.

"WHY?" I yell.

"… I had been avoiding them," he says bitterly, "but they found me and wanted me to try and do what they couldn't. My life for yours, they said. I'm selfish… but I couldn't do it, either… for different reasons than them."

I frown, trying to piece together what he's saying. "The Awakusu-kai wanted you to kill me?" I ask. "Was that your punishment this time around?"

It's particularly cruel, if you ask me – having to kill the person who saved you… the person you… _love_.

He nods, refusing to look at me.

I don't know what to think right now and I don't know if I should believe him because of how unlikely this all is.

"Shizuo…" he mumbles, and I'm taken aback. Since when does he call me by my full name?

"What?"

"Shizuo," he repeats vacantly.

"What?" I ask again.

"Take me to Shinra."

"You might need a hospital… Shinra's not a doctor yet."

"He'll do."

And I suppose Izaya is right. Thanks to our ongoing fights, Shinra learned a lot about medicine during our high school years.

"His place is on the opposite side of town…" I begin, standing up. "Do you have a car?"

Izaya shifts, "I can't drive."

I raise an eyebrow. "What?" I deadpan, "You're twenty-four!"

"I never had to drive in my life. I had a personal driver, or I walked," he says indignantly.

"Walked, huh?" I mock, recalling his parkour. He probably learned all that shit thanks to me constantly chasing him. "You never walked; you ran away and jumped off fuckin' buildings."

"Same thing," Izaya waves a hand dismissively.

"Hardly," I say dryly.

"Besides," Izaya continues, "I'm technically only sixteen~"

"Yeah, whatever," I scoff. "Can you stand up?"

"No, you broke me," he whines.

"Tch," I growl, turning around and kneeling down again so he can get on my back.

"What a sight this will be," Izaya says, wrapping his arms around my neck as his legs dangle at near my hips.

I'm getting so sick of doing this… Probably.

"Just don't try and choke me," I warn as I exit the school grounds, glad most of the kids are already gone by now.

"I'll try to resist the urge," he says dryly.

* * *

Shinra looks humored when I enter the flat with Izaya's dead weight on my back. I think he lost conscious during the trip over.

"Well, this is a bit different," Shinra says.

I walk over to the sofa and bend down and carefully drop Izaya off.

"Now, what happened this time?" Shinra asks, examining Izaya's freshly punched face.

"I beat him up," I admit, crossing my arms. There's no use sugar coating it.

"Seriously?" Shinra sighs at me before looking back at Izaya. "You need to learn control."

"He was pissing me off," I say defensively.

"_Control_, Shizuo," Shinra reiterates as he lifts Izaya's shirt up to examine his pale, flat abdomen. "Hm…" he mumbles to himself as he prods. "There will probably be bruises, but luckily nothing looks broken."

"Okay…" I say as Shinra pulls Izaya's shirt back down.

"You can't go around beating up everyone who pisses you off, you know," he chides.

"I know!" I hiss. Jeez.

Shinra just shakes his head at me and a moment later, Izaya wakes up.

I don't apologize, and I'm not planning on it. To be honest, I know it will likely happen again, even if I try to prevent it.

"Are you all right?" Shinra asks him.

"I think so," Izaya says, shooting me a glare.

"Do _they_ know where you live?" I ask him, referring to the people who want him to kill me.

"Yes," he says distastefully, "that's how they found me. They followed me from school. I should have expected it… I can't believe I slipped up like that."

"If something dangerous is happening, maybe you'd better stay here for a while," Shinra offers.

"I'd rather not," Izaya says.

"Okay," Shinra shrugs, "then allow Celty to drive you home before it gets dark."

"Fine," Izaya relents.

"So, what do you feel like doing until then?" Shinra asks. "We can watch a movie?" he suggests. "Celty likes ones about aliens, even though she's scared of them."

"I don't like movies," Izaya admits.

"What? Why?" Shinra asks, as if the possibility is outrageous.

"That sort of acting is of no interest to me," he shrugs. "I am more interested in the masks people wear in real life."

"Of course you are," I cut in dryly. "Actually, Shinra – can you leave Izaya and me alone for a few minutes. I need to talk to him."

"Do you promise it's just going to be talking and no violence?" Shinra lifts an eyebrow.

"I'll _try_ to just talk," I admit, making no promises.

"Fine," he relents, leaving the room.

Izaya watches him leave with a somewhat helpless look on his face. He knows what I'm going to ask. He knows what we're going to have to talk about.

It's uncomfortably silent at first. I'm not sure how to say what I want to say.

"So…" I begin awkwardly.

"Yes?" Izaya asks.

"Oh, come on," I snort.

"What is it?"

"You know what it is."

He sighs, looking away.

Izaya loves me…

No matter how annoying someone is, it isn't right to hurt a person who loves you.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Well, I'm sore –"

"What isn't what I mean," I cut him off.

He smiles a small and sad smile – not the typical annoying grin he likes to wear. I'm not sure which one is worse. "I know," he admits. "I… just feel heavy."

"Heavy?"

"Heavy," he says, not specifying what it entails.

"You said you loved me," I mention.

"Yes," he says, his expression turns to forced apathy.

"Why?" I ask, "I don't get it."

"I love humanity platonically, I could never romantically love just one… but you aren't quite a human," Izaya says easily, "You're a monster… you're different."

I can't help but laugh, "Oh."

"I never said it was a bad thing, though… Never once. You are lucky," he says, "I could never love just one human, I love all humans, but since you're a monster… I can love you like this. In ways, it makes you better. The worst beasts are human."

"Is that why you love them?" I ask, and part of me wonders if he considers himself to be one of those beasts.

"Perhaps..." he says. "They really do fascinate me."

"What if I wasn't a monster?"

"Then I wouldn't care about you like this. You'd be just another human, possibly an average one and there is nothing interesting about those who are exceptionally average."

I raise an eyebrow.

"But don't worry," he continues, "you'll always be a monster to me."

I smirk. "All right."

He rolls his eyes.

"Why were you always such a dick?" I ask.

"If I can recall, you were the one who started it," he says. "Not that I can complain… I enjoyed testing your strength."

I don't know how to respond to a confession like this, least of all from a _guy_ like him…

I think he knows that.

* * *

We do end up watching a movie – one that Celty picks out. It is an awful alien movie and just like Shinra said, she is scared the entire time.

"That was terrible," Izaya stands up as the credits roll. "I'm going home."

Celty stands up, discarding the pillow she was hugging throughout the film, and follows him to the door. Soon, the two of them leave without another word.

"Izaya's different lately," Shinra notes.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Do you know why?" he asks.

I make a face. "I don't even want to say it," I admit. "It's too weird."

Shinra tilts his head to the side, and I can tell he's even more curious now.

"He's… inlovewithme," I mumble.

"Huh?" Shinra asks. "I think I heard it, but could you repeat it? I'm not sure if I heard it correctly…"

"You did…"

"Hm," Shinra touches his index finger to his chin. "You know… I can see it."

"You what?" I choke. "How? He has the weirdest way of showing it!"

He laughs, "I can definitely see it."

"How?" I ask again, outraged. He's beginning to remind me of that Erika girl.

"Well…" he shrugs. "You're both obsessed with each other."

I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off.

"Don't bother trying to deny it!" he warns, waving his hand towards me. "Izaya and you are both obsessed with each other, everyone can see it.

"We're not obsessed," I growl. "You make it sound ridiculous when you put it like that!"

"Well… Sorry to break it to you, but from everyone else's perspective, it is pretty ridiculous."

"Don't make me punch you," I say, waving my clenched fist in his face.

"Okay, okay," he holds up his hands, surrendering. "What I meant to say, is that there's nothing ridiculous about it."

"That's what I thought."

"But, really, Shizuo… What are you going to do about it?" he asks in a serious tone.

I let out a sigh. "I have no fucking idea."

I really don't.

I mean, what can I do?

Do I feel the same way?

…Hah…

What a laugh.

What a fucking story that would be.

"You should talk to him and give him a straight answer."

"But I don't know what my answer is…" I admit.

Shinra leans in close, as if he's trying to read my thoughts. "Could it be… you _do_ feel the same way?"

I push him again. "No," I mumble, denying it.

He taps his chin thoughtfully. "Very well, Shizuo."

"I'm going home," I say. "It's late and I'm tired."

Shinra walks me to the door. "Make sure you think about it before you give him your answer, Shizuo," he says before handing me a small slip of paper.

"What the fuck's this?" I ask, examining it.

"It's Izaya's address," he states.

I raise an eyebrow, waving the paper in front of his face. "I don't want this."

"You might want it later on," he says. "Keep it for now. You may realize there are things you want to say to him that can't wait."

I scowl. "Fine," I mumble, pocketing it before I go.

I'm not sure what I feel anymore.


	8. Breakfast with Izaya

**Durarara! © Ryohgo Narita.**

** Sorry for such a long wait. School is killing me and I hardly have time to touch my laptop unless I'm writing up assignments. Lame! But anywho, I hope you're all still enjoying. R&R and all that jazz~ **

* * *

For some reason, I can't sleep.

I keep thinking about that stupid piece of paper Shinra gave me, and I keep thinking about what the hell I should say to Izaya.

It isn't fair of me to ignore the fact that he ever told me he loved me. It'd only hurt him…

Wait.

Do I care if I hurt him?

Yeah… I guess I do.

I wonder when that happened. I wonder when my mind and opinions began to change.

Was it really only after I saved him?

I let out a growl, sitting up in bed.

There's no way in hell I'm going to get much sleep tonight if I keep thinking about all this dumb shit.

I stand up, pulling on a pair of blue track pants before swiping the piece of paper with Izaya's address. Hell… I don't know why I'm bringing it with me, it's not like I can visit him this late.

Maybe I'm just curious… Maybe I want to mentally prepare myself for when I finally do go to see him.

Either way, I find myself walking towards the direction of his house when I leave mine.

It's cool outside… but it feels nice.

* * *

The house is modest and traditional. It's not what I expected, though I'm not really sure what I expected. There is a large tree draping over most of the yard, causing it to look even darker than it probably is.

I wonder if Izaya's family is as traditional as their house.

Oh, well.

I should probably start walking back now –

"What are you doing?"

Ugh. Speak of the devil.

Fate really has it in for us!

I turn around and spot Izaya standing a few feet away with his arms crossed, wearing a strange expression. He's wearing a pair of cotton capri pants and a sweater. I think this is the first time I've ever seen him so dressed down.

"Er…" I pause.

What the hell _am_ I doing?

"Shizu-chan," his gaze is stoic.

"Flea," I say.

No one knows what to say, so no one says anything for what feels like a really long time.

"Shinra… he gave me your address," I murmur.

"Oh?" Izaya raises an eyebrow. "So you thought you'd pay a late night visit?"

"No… I just wanted to see what kind of house you lived in."

His gaze travels away from me and towards his house. "But why?" he asks.

"I don't know…"

He begins to walk up the pathway towards the front entrance. "Coming?" he offers, and I find myself following him inside moments later.

We take off our shoes before going up a small set of stairs.

The inside is just as traditional as the outside.

Everything looks perfect… It reminds me of a museum. Everything is perfect, everything looks nice, and everything has its own place…

It's the opposite of my house. Nothing has its place and it is always so damn messy.

"This is my room," he says quietly before sliding the door at the end of the hallway open. "Try and be quiet. Mairu and Kururi are asleep."

"Oh," I mumble. The Orihara twins. I forgot about them… They're even more annoying than Izaya and that's saying a lot. They once said they'd help me kill him if I let them meet Kasuka. I thought that was funny in a somewhat unsettling kind of way because they sounded so damn serious when they said it. "What about your parents?"

"They're on a business trip," he says, entering the room.

"Do they go on trips a lot?" I ask as I follow him inside.

He shuts the door behind us. "Sometimes."

The room is plain and it feels as if he doesn't spend a lot of time in it. I have a suspicion he probably doesn't…

"What were you doing out?" I ask.

"Thinking."

"About anything in particular?"

He shakes his head, though I'm sure he's lying. It's okay though… he doesn't have to tell me.

"Are you… Are you still sore?" I ask carefully.

"Yes," he says tersely.

I try to keep a neutral expression. "How are your bruises?"

"Would you like to see the exact damage, Shizu-chan?" he offers somewhat bitterly.

Taken aback, I begin to ask, "Izaya, wait, what are you –"

"Quiet," he hushes me as he pulls his sweater up over his head.

"Izaya…!" I hiss.

He doesn't answer.

As more and more skin is revealed, I began to notice the damage and I find myself wondering how he's walking with such ease.

He takes off his clothes slowly until he is bare. He avoids looking at me even after he'd undressed.

"Was that all from me?" I ask, my throat feeling dry as I rake over the array of bruises. I begin to wonder how many bruises I've given him before now. How many times has he visited Shinra because of me…

"Yes," he says tersely.

"Sorry," I murmur, quiet and awkward.

"It's okay," he states, "they'll be gone soon."

He's shaking… Of course he's fucking shaking.

"You're shaking," I put my hands on his bare shoulders.

"Shut up, you stupid protozoan," he says.

"Okay," I laugh softly, choosing to dismiss the insult… just this once.

He sinks into me, resting his cheek against my chest as I run my hand over his back. He's soft. Yet another thing I never thought I'd associate him with being.

He moves away shortly after, but moments later I can still feel the weight and the warmth of him against me as if he were still there.

"Do you want me to go?" I ask.

He settles on the bed, covering himself with a duvet. He is quiet, but I know what he wants to say.

I won't make him talk.

"I'll stay, then," I tell him, approaching the opposite side of the bed he's lying on. "Do you usually sleep naked?"

"Yes, often."

There's a fair distance between us. It's as if we're trying to stay as far away from each other as we can.

"Shizu-chan…" he says quietly, with his back to me.

"Hm?"

"You're not a virgin, right?"

"Right."

"What was it like?"

I let out a quiet sigh, recalling the somewhat aged memory. I like to keep it as deep in my mind as I can, to be honest. It's not a fond memory.

It first happened when I was around fifteen… So a year ago, technically speaking.

"I kept hurting her," I admit. "She was nice about and said she forgave me, but I couldn't forgive myself for the longest time."

"Did you love her?"

"I tried to," I say, "but no."

I guess it doesn't really work like that. No matter how hard you try, maybe love isn't something that can be learned. Maybe it's just something that happens out of your own accord.

Hell, that has to be it. Otherwise, I doubt Izaya would ever choose to fall in love with me.

"Oh."

"A few months later I had another girlfriend. I thought maybe this time I'd be able to control myself, but I couldn't. I hurt her, too."

"Did you love her?" he asks again.

"No."

"Maybe you need to find someone you genuinely love... maybe then you'll be able to control yourself."

"Huh," I shrug.

"Someone who will be able to take the good with the bad, someone who can handle you the way you are and not expect you to change for them."

He doesn't say the words but I still hear them – _someone like me_.

* * *

When I wake up the following morning, I am alone in Izaya's room.

I glance around. The room looks a little livelier in the day time… though it's still plain.

I get up and begin to wander throughout the house until I hear voices.

"Izaya," a young voice whines, "hurry!"

"It's coming, Mairu, be patient."

I approach the kitchen, leaning in the doorway and watching Izaya's back as he stands in front of the stove.

Mairu notices me a moment later and yells, "Izaya!"

"What now?" he asks, sounding like he's trying to hide the fact that he's mildly irritated.

"Who's that?" she points to me.

Izaya turns around and glances towards me. "Oh," he says. "You're finally awake."

"You could've woken me up," I cross my arms.

"But you looked so peaceful sleeping in my bed, I couldn't possibly wake you up," he smiles that annoying smile. I find myself wanting to punch him in his stupid, smug face…

It's weird seeing him like this… in a domestic setting… cooking for two little girls… wearing an apron… wearing bobby pins so his bangs won't get in the way… looking content as he stands in front of the stove.

"Tch…" I click my tongue distastefully. "Don't be creepy."

His smile softens, and he looks a hell of a lot less sadistic.

Mairu and Kururi are watching us talk from their seats at the kitchen table. Mairu has a little smile on her face – the kind of smile Izaya was wearing mere minutes ago. It makes her look just as sadistic as he is.

"What do you want to eat, Shizu-chan?" Izaya suddenly asks.

"Oh… er… Anything's fine."

"Okay," he says.

Soon, we're all seated at the kitchen table eating omelets. Mairu is chattering away, and Kururi still hasn't said a word. Izaya is nodding along to what she's saying, but I doubt he's really listening.

After breakfast, Mairu and Kururi scamper off. I watch as Izaya takes care of the dishes. He suddenly looks exhausted, like he was putting on a happy face for his sisters.

"You good?" I ask.

For a few minutes, he's silent. I don't push him to say anything. I have no right to do that.

"How did I… How did _we_ get here?" Izaya eventually asks, somewhat weakly. He turns to face me. He is paler than usual and his eyes are bloodshot. He looks sick but I know he's just tired. Tired, in more ways than one.

I feel like with that simple question, he's asking a lot.

"I don't know," I admit, because I don't have the answers.

"Hey…" he murmurs, "what do you think of me?"

"I don't know," I say again.

"Do you still hate me?"

"No… I guess I don't."

"But I bother you?"

"Yeah," I say, "Sometimes…"

"Heh…"

"I just don't understand you."

"Well, I don't see things the way most people do. You could describe me as being detached," he says simply, twisting a stand of hair between his fingers.

"Shinra thinks you're just lonely."

"I'm not," he insists. "I'm surrounded by people all the time, how could I possibly be lonely?"

"Are you sure?"

"No," he sighs, before admitting, "Maybe I am lonely…"

"Really?"

"Just kidding."

I roll my eyes. "You shouldn't keep things bottled up."

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" he asks.

"Talk to someone," I suggest. "Look, I know we aren't exactly friends… However, things are changing between us, that much is obvious… So don't be afraid to come find me when you're feeling lonely… when you need someone, for whatever reason."

"What do you mean by that?" he asks quietly.

"Exactly what you think I mean, Izaya."

I don't know how I'm even able to say the words without cringing, but they're coming out almost unconsciously.

I haven't given this much prior thought, but I think this is the way I feel. Whether it is physical contact or just someone to talk to, I can offer this to him. I think these are the two things he needs most.

I'll try not to disappoint people this time around. I'll try not to disappoint Kasuka. I'll try not to hurt people this time, too. I'll try to control myself and my anger – I'll try not to hit Izaya anymore. I'll protect the people I care about, and hell, I guess that includes Izaya now.

I really don't know how that happened.

It feels like just yesterday I wanted to kill him… and it feels like just yesterday I did kill him.

Maybe this is what had to change.

He smiles faintly, but doesn't say another word.


End file.
